Sleep..(or lack there of)..and decisions

So I have been doing alot of thinking lately.. and I am still at a loss. I want another child SO badly but the way Lucca sleeps (or doesn't sleep) is making that decision REALLY hard for me. There is NO way that I would be able to take care of a newborn any time soon along with Lucca in the middle of the night. I already am lucky to get 5-6 hours of straight sleep as it is.. :( I know Randy doesn't want another child anyway, but I am still keeping up hopes.

Then we are having a garage sale this weekend and I have tons of stuff Lucca doesn't use anymore and part of me wants to sell it (b/c I know Randy doesn't want anymore kids) but the other part wants to hold onto it just in case... I'm going through a huge internal struggle right now!! ugh! I know the age difference won't really make a difference in our case, but I don't want to wait forever to have another. Randy said once he hits 35 he is for sure not having another. So that gives me until 2013.. lol

On the other hand, part of me would be content with just Lucca, I think. I know he is going to need alot of attention and I don't know that I can split myself into all the different areas needed by mutiple children. But I still have that longing to hopefully have just one more one day. (See my struggle?!) I wish I could just leave it up to God (which really it is up to Him anyway) and if he wants me to have another he will let me get pregnant (when the time is right). I don't want to make the decision! That way I would know whatever happened would be the right decision and what was meant to be. lol *sigh*