Monday, May 23, 2011

Sleep..(or lack there of)..and decisions

So I have been doing alot of thinking lately.. and I am still at a loss. I want another child SO badly but the way Lucca sleeps (or doesn't sleep) is making that decision REALLY hard for me. There is NO way that I would be able to take care of a newborn any time soon along with Lucca in the middle of the night. I already am lucky to get 5-6 hours of straight sleep as it is.. :( I know Randy doesn't want another child anyway, but I am still keeping up hopes.

Then we are having a garage sale this weekend and I have tons of stuff Lucca doesn't use anymore and part of me wants to sell it (b/c I know Randy doesn't want anymore kids) but the other part wants to hold onto it just in case... I'm going through a huge internal struggle right now!! ugh! I know the age difference won't really make a difference in our case, but I don't want to wait forever to have another. Randy said once he hits 35 he is for sure not having another. So that gives me until 2013.. lol

On the other hand, part of me would be content with just Lucca, I think. I know he is going to need alot of attention and I don't know that I can split myself into all the different areas needed by mutiple children. But I still have that longing to hopefully have just one more one day. (See my struggle?!) I wish I could just leave it up to God (which really it is up to Him anyway) and if he wants me to have another he will let me get pregnant (when the time is right). I don't want to make the decision! That way I would know whatever happened would be the right decision and what was meant to be. lol *sigh*

1 comment:

Sara said...

Hi my name is Sara and I stumbled upon your blog today. My daughter also has Phelan-McDermid syndrome she is six. I was reading this post and it brought back some memories. I thought once I had Zoey that was it. She is a lot of work and I assumed that I loved her so much that I probably would not be able to devote enough love to another child. When Zoey was five though we got brave and decided to have another child. It has been amazing. Zoey is in love with her little brother it is really cute and to us it is like being first time parents all over again. He does things that I did not even know kiddos were supposed to do. Well good luck. I have a blog to that I just started if you every have any questions or just need to talk to someone who gets it feel free to check it out.